little bits of me
the patch-day 20
An obvious point about quitting smoking with not so obvious consequences: the money saved is more than just that spent on smokes.
I like to be comfortable and relaxed when I smoke. If I am alone I like to be sitting down and to have something in front of me to read, preferably a newspaper (most items in a newspaper can be read in the time it takes to have a smoke, plus I'm a bit of a news junky). Coffee is an absolute must. Considering these two qualifications I tend to spend a fair amount of time at cafe's that have an outdoor patio.
The literature that came with my patch suggests staying away from places and situations that I associate with smoking. So, there goes the outdoor cafe. There goes the extra coffee or two a day. There goes the newspaper.
Over the past twenty days I figure I have saved $100 in cigarettes, $35 in coffee and $10 in newspapers. That's a total of $145 that I can easily categorize. There are additional savings that aren't so easy to tally, like the Nibs or Twizzlers that I pick up when I get my cigarettes.
Just being a smoker meant that I usually had cash on hand if I needed to get more smokes. That cash on hand meant that I could buy other things impulsively. I think I've been to a bank machine twice in the past three weeks. No extra cash, no impulse buying. How much am I saving because of this? No idea, but it's likely somewhere between the amount spent on coffee and the amount spent on newspapers, say $20.
Now that I am actually going through the process of looking at the cost of my habit I'm actually kind of shocked. It's starting to look like my smoking habit cost me close to $60 a week. Yikes. You do the math on annual savings. I'm not even going to factor in the cost on the health care system.
the patch-day 17
I don't really have much to offer on this subject. Nothing urgent atleast. It has been ten days since I last tasted the sweet taste of a cigarette and the confidence I mentioned in
my last update hasn't proven, yet, to be unfounded.
The "sweet taste", as described above, is totally not the case. The memory of that last taste is as much a factor in keeping me away from cigarettes as is my own internal will to be rid of them. I don't really like the taste, the feeling in my throat or the aftertaste. The illusion of satisfaction of taking a haul on a cigarette is just that, an illusion.
At this point I am able to compare my experience with past efforts to quit. First and foremost is attitude. I really want to stop and I think that this one factor, beyond all others, is the one that really drives me now. I know that I will one day be an ex-smoker and all the healthier for it.
A second point is that the crutch or mechanism for dealing with withdrawl from nicotine needs to be effective. I tried Zyban for awhile a number of years ago. Although the drug initially made me lose interest in it I eventually picked up smoking again. It was almost a false sense of security. Additionally, I don't remember it being packaged with nearly as extensive guidance for help beyond merely taking the drug. "To be used in conjunction with will power" or something to that effect was the offered advice.
from 6/12/2004
I mentioned in my last post that there was a kernel of an idea that I wanted to explore regarding the upcoming election. Each of the parties has plans and programs to offer that appeal to me and each has plans and programs that don't appeal to me. Amid all the competing ideas and personalities how am I to come to a decision on how to spend my vote this coming June 28?
There is a perception among many, atleast as far as mainstream media would have one believe, that there is little value in casting a vote. Why bother voting if my decision is going to have little impact on the results? Sure, my guy may get in, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it will bring substantive change.
Contributing to the problem is the main, national parties' predisposition to play populist politics. Who can tell the difference between the Tory and Grit platforms? Even the muckraking and finger pointing follows a familiar theme throughout the opposing camps. It's a case of the devil you know versus the devil you don't know. I think, to some degree they're all devils.
But, regardless of who is and who isn't a devil, a vote has to be cast, even if it's a spoiled vote. One of the bi-products of the multi-party system in Canada is strategic voting. Perhaps this will be the year that electors take back their country by taking back their votes and spending them wisely.
I would like to make an informed choice this time around. Sure, it's just one vote among many, but there is a truth in the saying that every vote counts. At the very least it will allow me the right to complain about Ottawa until my next kick at the can.
Also, in regards to every vote counting, is the small matter of election financing. Each party earns approximately 7 dollars for each vote. If
I have neither the skills nor the will to tackle all the parties and their respective local candidates in one concise piece. I will try instead to look closely at each party's platform, leader and local candidate so that hopefully, before June 28, I will be able to articulate my feelings regarding all the parties. On Election Day I would like my trip to the ballot box to be swift and sure.
I have discussed
this before, the issue of being timely with my writing, and I still have a way to go before I will be happy with my progress. Focus. The other day I began to write and it went something like this:
Good morning. Mr. Robin and his stupid friends pulled me from my sleep at around 5:15 this morning and wouldn't let me get back to the business at hand.
For the past week it has been the same: Wake at five to the songs of Mr. Robin and friends, coming from the neighbor's yard; lie in bed for at least half an hour hoping not to disturb wife while dreaming of ways to make Mr. Robin get lost; throw in the odd random thought of how nice it would be to bum a smoke from Mr. Robin because I'd really like to have one and that in fact, under different circumstances, Mr. Robin's song would actually be pleasing to listen to; fall back into a fitful light sleep filled with bizarre dreams for another hour.
I skipped most of the process this morning and have instead been sitting in front of the computer since 5:30 plodding about the internet in search of election campaign issues, visiting candidate sites for news (of which there is little, which brings me back to the whole issue of the ineptness of candidates in their use of the internet as a valuable tool) and further getting absorbed into the great black hole of the world wide web. A slippery slope indeed.
What followed this was an attempt to deal with too many issues at once: namely, an idiots guide to some of the more basic problems I have with all the Parties vying for leadership of the country, from their platforms to the personalities of the candidates and party leaders. Having bitten off this huge thesis I attempted too quickly to chew it in to those little, smooth, manageable pieces that I mention at the top of the page in my site description/explanation. My subject matter was not suitable for the amount of space I intended to fill (a few paragraphs, not a tome), nor did it any longer match my original thesis (I actually started reading party platforms which cleared up a few misperceptions). So, I walked away from it to think and never really got beyond merely thinking about it.
Having said that, I did arrive at a solution to my problem. Beginning tomorrow, I will present the first part of a series looking at the parties, the issues and the personalities involved in the coming elections.
the patch - day 4
Okay, so I slipped a little on day two and smoked half a cigarette, but I'm starting in to day four with more confidence than ever.
Yesterday, for the most part, was a breeze and I think that's why I’m feeling so confident today. I spotted a co-worker's cigarette pack on a desk in the back room yesterday afternoon and only thought once about having one. The second thought, where I would normally act on my compulsion, never seemed to materialize. I was able to walk away without really thinking about it. There were no major internal battles between angels and devils, my thoughts just didn't progress that far.
This isn't to say the rest of my trip to a smoke free life is going to be a breeze. Driving down most commercial streets there is often someone out in front of their shop catching a quick puff and I look longingly at them as I pass. I think about the sensation of the smoking being drawn down their throats and wish that I could pull over and join them. A cup of coffee or a beer would go nicely with that cigarette, wouldn't it?
But the smell that lingered in my nostrils after that half cigarette the other day was actually fairly nasty. It smelled as though I had cigarette butts stuffed up my nose, and that's not a pretty picture to imagine. I find myself thinking about that scent when I want to have a cigarette and the thought helps steer me away. My wife has noted that I taste fresher now when she kisses me. That alone is motivation.
No, I have no plans on becoming a sanctimonious ex-smoker. I couldn't live with myself. Aside from this page I will keep my thoughts to myself. Besides, I'm still only on day four. I have a long way to go.
