the patch - day 4

Okay, so I slipped a little on day two and smoked half a cigarette, but I'm starting in to day four with more confidence than ever.

Yesterday, for the most part, was a breeze and I think that's why I’m feeling so confident today. I spotted a co-worker's cigarette pack on a desk in the back room yesterday afternoon and only thought once about having one. The second thought, where I would normally act on my compulsion, never seemed to materialize. I was able to walk away without really thinking about it. There were no major internal battles between angels and devils, my thoughts just didn't progress that far.

This isn't to say the rest of my trip to a smoke free life is going to be a breeze. Driving down most commercial streets there is often someone out in front of their shop catching a quick puff and I look longingly at them as I pass. I think about the sensation of the smoking being drawn down their throats and wish that I could pull over and join them. A cup of coffee or a beer would go nicely with that cigarette, wouldn't it?

But the smell that lingered in my nostrils after that half cigarette the other day was actually fairly nasty. It smelled as though I had cigarette butts stuffed up my nose, and that's not a pretty picture to imagine. I find myself thinking about that scent when I want to have a cigarette and the thought helps steer me away. My wife has noted that I taste fresher now when she kisses me. That alone is motivation.

No, I have no plans on becoming a sanctimonious ex-smoker. I couldn't live with myself. Aside from this page I will keep my thoughts to myself. Besides, I'm still only on day four. I have a long way to go.
  posted by jmd ¶ Thursday, June 03, 2004