little bits of me

okay. starting over.

2004-11-26T21:25:00.000-08:00

Again.

new blog, so go here

I prefer the name. remember to change your bookmark.

google this...

2004-11-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

google this: sorry everybody

operation phantom fury

2004-11-08T23:03:00.000-08:00

Things look to be taking a turn for the worse in Iraq.

Fallujah, a city the size of Victoria or Halifax, is in the beginning days and nights of feeling the wrath of 10,000 U.S. marines just looking for a good ass whooping.

As usual, a fiercesome name has been given for the operation: Phantom Fury. Hmmm, isn't that the name of a vacuum cleaner?

The U.S. military is getting ready to clean house in Iraq. Never mind the civilians that will inevitably get sucked up the hose in the process. Iraqis are used to getting hosed. First they were hosed by the British. Then they were hosed by Saddam Hussein. More recently the hosing is a joint venture between the Americans and, once again, the British.

It's a good thing Canada is a friend of the U.S.. The U.S. wouldn't turn on a friend would they?

things to come

2004-11-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

A quick post to note things to come.

Events in the Middle East, Sudan and the Ivory Coast seem to be spiralling out of control. Here at home, it seems that the minority government of Paul Martin is incapable of uniting in voice and action to address any of these issues. I spend a fair amount of time wrestling with these issues in my head and little time putting my thoughts to light.

This needs to change.

At the very least I need to express my feelings about what is happening in the world and more importantly, to put forward what I think are approaches that can be taken by my government as well as by the people I share my community with.

I have made announcements in the past about plans for future writings without actually following through on those stated plans. This time will be different. There is too much that is wrong in the world. Too much violence and too much killing, too many words followed by too few actions. There has to be a dialog and I intend, in this little bit of the blogosphere, to begin that dialog.

Please stay tuned.

the patch-5 months

2004-10-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Today marks five months since I started on the Patch.

No, I have not had a patch stuck to my back for the past five months.
Yes, it is five months since I gave up smoking.
No, I have not gone the whole five months without a smoke.
Yes, I have gone the whole five months without buying smokes.
No, I'm not a bum.
Yes, I have saved money.
No, I haven't done anything in particular with the saved money.
Yes, this list is growing tedious.

money saved so far: $675

Holy shit.

Mental health: borderline crazy some days. other days pretty happy no to be smoking.

2004-10-27T10:09:00.000-07:00

This is from todays Washington Post on-line. Dan Froomkin's White House Briefing is always enlightening and often entertaining.

Newspaper Endorsements
Greg Mitchell of Editor & Publisher is keeping meticulous count of newspaper editorial-board presidential endorsements. He reports, as of yesterday, that "Kerry now leads in endorsements 142 to 123 and in the circulation of those papers (roughly 17.5 million to 11.5 million)."
A total of 37 newspapers that endorsed Bush in 2000 have switched to Kerry, compared to six papers that endorsed Gore and switched to Bush.
And Howard Kurtz writes in The Washington Post today: "Nine more papers, including the Cleveland Plain Dealer yesterday, abandoned Bush after four years but did not support the Massachusetts senator. Instead, these papers -- the Detroit News, the Tampa Tribune and the New Orleans Times-Picayune among them -- threw up their collective hands and made no endorsement."
Kurtz writes that "the Bush defections may reflect a degree of disillusionment with the president, at least among opinion leaders, principally on Iraq but on domestic issues, as well."
The switching -- and, as Kurtz writes, disillusionment -- in those papers is something you don't hear much of in the modern media world, saturated with bickering partisans who display no ambivalence or hesitation about their positions.

scary

2004-10-26T20:19:00.000-07:00

This Washinton Post article offers some hope that even conservative punditry will come to their senses regarding George W. Bush and his messianic ways. However, the last quotes from Nicolson are scary indeed.

"But for any Christian who is driven by an apocalyptic and millennial vision, these events are exactly what should be happening. Terrible and desperate violence, blood and grief are all, for them, mileposts on the road to God's dominion," Nicolson says.
In this view, Bush's refusal to admit any mistakes in Iraq reflects not arrogance nor evasiveness but divinely inspired confidence that all is going according to His plan. For the formerly pro-Bush press, it's a scary thought.

George Monbiot also wrote about this subject last April. Personally I have no problem with the man at the corner of Georgia and Granville wearing a sandwich board proclaiming that the end is nigh. It concerns me deeply however when the man proclaiming that the end is nigh lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington and has the capability of making it so.

The true believers are now seeking to bring all this about. This means staging confrontations at the old temple site (in 2000, three US Christians were deported for trying to blow up the mosques there), sponsoring Jewish settlements in the occupied territories, demanding ever more US support for Israel, and seeking to provoke a final battle with the Muslim world/Axis of Evil/United Nations/ European Union/France or whoever the legions of the antichrist turn out to be.

Scary thoughts indeed.

incomprehensible

2004-10-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

This blog originates in Singapore. It links to other, similar blogs, also from Singapore. I'm not quite sure what to say about how language is used. Some sort of pidgin English with the pidgin amplified by the generally ridiculous nature of a tweenage school-kid.

translate?

Tehran endorses Bush for president

2004-10-19T23:34:00.000-07:00

I laughed out loud at this.

Historically, Democrats have harmed Iran more than Republicans, said Hasan Rowhani, head of the Supreme National Security Council, Iran's top security decision-making body.

There will be civil war. If not here;

Bruce Bartlett, a domestic policy adviser to Ronald Reagan and a treasury official for the first President Bush, told me recently that ''if Bush wins, there will be a civil war in the Republican Party starting on Nov. 3.'' The nature of that conflict, as Bartlett sees it? Essentially, the same as the one raging across much of the world: a battle between modernists and fundamentalists, pragmatists and true believers, reason and religion.

then here;

With less than two weeks to go before Election Day, an unprecedented number of lawsuits challenging basic election rules are pending in many of the battleground states. Both sides are in the final stages of training thousands of lawyers who will descend on the polls on Nov. 2 to watch for voter fraud or intimidation.

or possibly here;

The head of the Israel Defense Forces' manpower division, Major General Elazar Stern, will meet Wednesday with leaders of hesder yeshivas - which combine Torah studies with IDF service - to discuss recent calls by rabbis urging religious soldiers to refuse to evacuate settlements under the disengagement plan.

the debates and a well timed offensive

2004-10-01T13:53:00.000-07:00

Timing is everything.

Cameras were rolling when Jessica Lynch was 'rescued' from an Iraq hospital. The operation was carefully planned and executed and it was a total sham.

Initially a hero was created, not just as personified by the rescued soldier, but also in the form of the American GI being all that he can be. The spin worked for a while, until reality sideswiped the fiction of the event. There was no enemy left to rescue Lynch from, aside from the doctors that were treating her, and the military knew it.

ah, well.

Yesterday, as the Pres. and his rival were debating each other, US and Iraqi troops were hammering Samarra, a rebel stronghold to the north of Baghdad. Me thinks this was a calculated move akin to the rescue of Lynch. That the assault has taken place now is no surprise to me.

The cable networks have focused today as much on events in Samarra as on the debates from last evening. A high bodycount works well for the administration (even though the Pentagon doesn't do body counts, or atleast they didn't for most of the war) and further distracts Americans from reality.

If the assault was motivated politically, then a calculation would have been made for success. I would imagine that in that calculation it was understood that the margin for error was small and the chances of success large. In other words, the assault was pretty much guaranteed to be successful in order to show progress, in the form of dead insurgents, and that the administration had a plan to win the war.

I expect another major assault the day of the next debate.

2004-09-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

funny, funny, not funny.

This Is Bush's Vietnam

2004-09-17T01:26:00.000-07:00

This is a good read.

Riverbend is back

2004-09-17T01:02:00.000-07:00

and in fine form. The break seems to have served her well.

Do they have it right this time?

2004-09-16T13:45:00.000-07:00

There was a time not too long ago when Colin Powell, sitting before the UN Security Council, with George Tenet, former head of the CIA, sitting just behind him to add credence to his words, offered to the world images similar to these as evidence of Iraqi possession of WMD's. It was a chilling presentation.

About one year before Powell made his argument before the United Nations that it was imperative that Iraq be taken to task for this violation of UN resolutions, a National Intelligence Estimate was prepared for the White House, outlining in bold terms the danger that Iraq posed to the United States. The first NEI on Iraq to have been prepared since then was recently released to the White House and it draws a pessimistic view of the future for Iraq.

What should the world believe?

Colin Powell, on almost every point that he presented that day in the fall of 2003, was dead wrong. The satellite images he presented were explainable and for the most part relatively innocuous. Additionally, the National Intelligence Estimate of 2002 turned out also to be way off the mark and was missing important caveats. Probabilities were offered as certainties and although it wasn't necessarily wrong, it also wasn't necessarily right.

Which leads me to wonder if the situation in Iraq is really as bad as it appears in the latest estimates, and considering the US has 140,000 boots on the ground to gather intel it probably is as bad, if not worse, and is Iran as big a danger to the region as the latest intelligence purports it to be or are the images shown merely a mistaken identity of the latest Iranian distribution centre for Wal-Mart?

I wish I had an answer.

the patch - 100 days

2004-09-08T08:18:00.000-07:00

It has been 100 days since I first put on a patch and in that period I have smoked a grand total of 3 cigarettes. This alone deserves a bottle of scotch in celebration (not at one sitting of course). It is ironic that in celebrating the so far successful elimination of one vice I would consider treating myself with another vice, but hey, life would be boring without at least a few guilty pleasures.

I wish that I could say that I have quit smoking, but I can't. It is still too early. The temptation to smoke is strong, with some days more challenging than others. I describe it to others as a little like chinese water torture: the desire is ever present, lurking just beneath the surface, and at times painful as hell to resist. But, I have so far resisted and the belief in a future as a non-smoker lasting longer than the future as a smoker keeps me honest.

A friend recently started the patch. She managed four days before the stress pushed her back to smoking. I think she felt guilty about her 'failure', a guilt that I can understand, but I know that it takes any number of false starts before the final push through to the end. She'll get it when she is ready. I said it in an earlier entry that it's all a state of mind.

As for me, I still have to be vigilant. I returned to school today for the first time in more than half a year. After my first class my first instinct was to cut outside for a smoke. My second instinct was to supress my first instinct and head for the car. Nothing beats the urge like a little exercise (the car was parked many blocks away.)

Tomorrow, like today, will be a little better. And the next day a little better still.

the patch - 100 days

2004-09-07T23:44:00.000-07:00

So what exactly is the big deal?

2004-09-02T10:00:00.000-07:00

No pun intended.

It is telling that over the course of eight months the only person in East Vancouver who has had an issue with the Da Kine cafe selling marijuana is Eileen Mosca, head of Grandview-Woodlands Community Policing Centre. Even she, apparently, didn't feel strongly enough about the issue to contact the police to make a formal complaint, which I find even more striking considering the Grandview-Woodlands Community Policing Centre is funded in part by the VPD. She says,

"We have a lot of people going in there smoking getting high and then
wandering up and down the drive. And I don't see why the city sanctions it."

To this I would reply, "we have a lot of people going into their homes, smoking, getting high and then wandering up and down the drive." As far as the city sanctioning it, I think Ms. Mosca needs to wake up to the same reality that a majority of the public, likely including some members of city council, has already woken up to: prohibition doesn't work and maybe it is better that people buy from a reliable source (let's face it the owners of Da Kine have a business to run) than from a stranger on the street.

Mosca also wonders what drug message the shop is sending to the 1,200 students at nearby Britannia High School.

My understanding is that Da Kine was selling marijuana only to those 19 years of age or older which is the same benchmark set for purchasing alcohol and one year higher than for purchasing tobacco products, both of which have a far greater negative impact on health and safety than marijuana and both are freely available on the same street within blocks of Da Kine. So what is that message?

2004-09-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

I am surprised that Juan Cole hasn't had anything to say about this.

the patch-day 69

2004-08-07T07:52:00.000-07:00

The day of the patch is done. I peeled the last one off my back a little more than two weeks ago and am now able to greet my self in the mirror as a non-smoker.

It's really all just a state of mind. I watched a friend have a smoke yesterday afternoon and at a gutteral level I wanted to join him. The thick smoke drawn into his mouth looked so enticing, but, as I have mentioned in other patch posts, that desire was quickly tempered by the reality of being a smoker: The reality of control and addiction and delusion.

That's why I say that it is all a state of mind. Without understanding that smoking really isn't a pleasure there is little to counter the desires brought on by nicotine addiction. There needs to be a stronger desire to counter the nicotine and for me, right now, it is the notion of being a former smoker and a non-smoker. This came recently in an email from a friend and reflects in many ways the sense of accomplishment I now feel:

as a friend once put it, for years after he quit if he was feeling low or bad about himself he could always remind himself that he quite smoking and instantly feel like he was capable of doing hard things/ accomplishing something if he wanted.

Regarding my brass zippo: i have found it.

2004-07-28T00:58:00.000-07:00

This is important stuff. I will have more on it shortly.

holding grudges

2004-07-18T21:01:00.000-07:00

They just can't let it go. Talk about pettiness. Charles Jenkins is a deserter, Bobby Fisher traded with the enemy and according to the US, both deserve to be punished. Jenkins disappeared in Korea 40 years ago. Bobby Fisher played chess in Yugoslavia despite a UN trade embargo against the country. This is the long arm of American law and in this case the law is an ass. I'm not even going to talk about Cuba.

I am publishing her name

2004-07-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

Her name is Julie Bureau. She went missing three years ago. I think it is peculiar that now that she has been found, the media isn't allowed to publish her name.

the patch-day 48

2004-07-17T16:19:00.000-07:00

A sure sign that my smoking days are behind me: I lost my brass zippo.

It was given to me more than 10 years ago by a friend who found it in her couch. She was a smoker, but she wasn't a zippo kind of girl, so she gave it to me. Up until just over a week ago it was always in my front pant pocket where it would mingle with my wallet and loose change and deepen in colour as the oils from my fingers seemed to soak into it's finish, sometimes instantly tarnishing my fingerprints into its side. Had I, at the time that it was given to me, gone out to buy a zippo I don't think that I would have considered getting one in brass. But over the course of the past decade it developed a wonderful patina to it.

Considering my abysmal track record for keeping possession of small, unattached items (I buy cheap sun-glasses and my keys are on a chain firmly attached to a belt loop at all times ) it has been just short of miraculous that I was able to keep track of the lighter for as long as I did. I have looked in most of the usual places for my zippo. Under the bed, beneath the cushions of the couch, in various parts of the car and in every single pocket of every piece of clothing that I own, including a winter coat I haven't worn since, well, the winter. Nada, nothing, you might say 'zippo'.

The lighter is gone.

Eloquence

2004-07-16T22:08:00.000-07:00

Tony Blair has a touch of it. George W. Bush does not.

Bush speaks in seven-second sound bites, repeating the same mantra over and over and over. For Bush, eloquence is any mantra that rhymes: something catchy that people can hang on to. It doesn't have to contain complete truths either or really say anything concrete for that matter. I try to imagine a 35 minute speech by him, consisting of 175 seven-second sound bites and start to yawn. The repetition must be painful. No wonder so many Americans are confused. The world for Bush is simple and his message too. Simple enough, in fact, to be communicated along the side of the road like Burma Shave.

Tony Blair, on the other hand, seems far more capable in connecting with people on a level deeper than that reptilian level addressed by GW Bush. His sentence structure is more complex and the ideas put forward, though similar to Bush, are conveyed at a higher level. His cadence is fluid and he doesn't seem uncomfortable with the words he uses, particularly those with more than two syllables.

So, my point? Not much really. Bush and Blair both used rhetoric and mantra's to sell a war to the world and continue to use the same techniques in an attempt to keep the war sold. What Bush lacked in eloquence he made up for in repetition. Blair was along for the ride and used his own verbal skills to secure his end of the bargain. Both of these men have blood on their hands and the root of much of their evil is summed up in a most eloquently written article, by JK Galbraith. To be fair, the whole article isn't exactly eloquent, in fact it has some very awkward paragraphs, but the last three paragraphs struck a chord with me and for that reason alone I recommend reading it.

the patch-day 40

2004-07-09T14:08:00.000-07:00

I had a brutal day of idiots in traffic yesterday, one of whom was me, and by the time mid-afternoon rolled around I was ready for a smoke. Actually, I was anxious for a smoke, whether I was ready for it or not. So, I stole one from a friend.

Silly me. I thought it would be simple enough to spark it up and settle my cravings. Not so simple though. I never got around to lighting it. The cravings and desires were beaten down on short order by anticipated post cigarette remorse.

Walking down the street with my ill-gotten smoke in hand, I was heading for a particular park bench in my neighborhood so that I could sit and enjoy the sweetness of the vapours. I never got to the bench. All along the sidewalk I had the devil/angel argument ringing in my head and the devil was getting the snot beaten out of him. No argument put forward by him was able to overcome the prime argument of the angel: I don't want to be a smoker.

By the time I got to the bench the anticipated joy was sucked out of me and I threw the cigarette in the nearest garbage bin.

I think I'm winning.

note: based on earlier calculations I have saved about $360 since I started the patch. cool.

breaking the silence

2004-07-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

The world could use a little more of this. Breaking the Silence, an exhibition of images and impressions of life in Hebron seen through the eyes of Israeli Defence Force (IDF) soldiers, appears to be a frank expose of the reality of the Israeli occupation of the West Bank and Gaza Strip. Such an open expression of these soldier's reflections can only lead to healing. Lip service is so often the only thing offered when talking about honesty. Calculations get in the way of the truth, "what will keep me in power?". Meanwhile things are falling apart, or at the least they aren't improving.

There is no such thing as a sanitized war or occupation. Combatants and innocents alike die, homes are destroyed and families are uprooted, divided or simply disappear in a pile of rubble. Every one is a victim including the young men and women of the IDF serving in the occupied territories. Their unvarnished accounts of events step beyond a narrative of details and in to deep observations of what goes through their minds.

In video for the exhibit, soldiers talk about the gradual change that overtakes them during their compulsory service, describing a process by which some say they stop seeing Palestinians as human.

see photo gallery link

In Nazi Germany, Jews were tagged as sub-humans, lesser beings not worthy of protection or respect, and a half century later some apply that same label to the Palestinian people who's lands they now occupy.

The Irony is agonizing.

2004-07-02T10:17:00.000-07:00

holy shit I'm lazy.

the patch-day 20

2004-06-19T11:23:00.000-07:00

An obvious point about quitting smoking with not so obvious consequences: the money saved is more than just that spent on smokes.

I like to be comfortable and relaxed when I smoke. If I am alone I like to be sitting down and to have something in front of me to read, preferably a newspaper (most items in a newspaper can be read in the time it takes to have a smoke, plus I'm a bit of a news junky). Coffee is an absolute must. Considering these two qualifications I tend to spend a fair amount of time at cafe's that have an outdoor patio.

The literature that came with my patch suggests staying away from places and situations that I associate with smoking. So, there goes the outdoor cafe. There goes the extra coffee or two a day. There goes the newspaper.

Over the past twenty days I figure I have saved $100 in cigarettes, $35 in coffee and $10 in newspapers. That's a total of $145 that I can easily categorize. There are additional savings that aren't so easy to tally, like the Nibs or Twizzlers that I pick up when I get my cigarettes.

Just being a smoker meant that I usually had cash on hand if I needed to get more smokes. That cash on hand meant that I could buy other things impulsively. I think I've been to a bank machine twice in the past three weeks. No extra cash, no impulse buying. How much am I saving because of this? No idea, but it's likely somewhere between the amount spent on coffee and the amount spent on newspapers, say $20.

Now that I am actually going through the process of looking at the cost of my habit I'm actually kind of shocked. It's starting to look like my smoking habit cost me close to $60 a week. Yikes. You do the math on annual savings. I'm not even going to factor in the cost on the health care system.

the patch-day 17

2004-06-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

I don't really have much to offer on this subject. Nothing urgent atleast. It has been ten days since I last tasted the sweet taste of a cigarette and the confidence I mentioned in my last update hasn't proven, yet, to be unfounded.

The "sweet taste", as described above, is totally not the case. The memory of that last taste is as much a factor in keeping me away from cigarettes as is my own internal will to be rid of them. I don't really like the taste, the feeling in my throat or the aftertaste. The illusion of satisfaction of taking a haul on a cigarette is just that, an illusion.

At this point I am able to compare my experience with past efforts to quit. First and foremost is attitude. I really want to stop and I think that this one factor, beyond all others, is the one that really drives me now. I know that I will one day be an ex-smoker and all the healthier for it.

A second point is that the crutch or mechanism for dealing with withdrawl from nicotine needs to be effective. I tried Zyban for awhile a number of years ago. Although the drug initially made me lose interest in it I eventually picked up smoking again. It was almost a false sense of security. Additionally, I don't remember it being packaged with nearly as extensive guidance for help beyond merely taking the drug. "To be used in conjunction with will power" or something to that effect was the offered advice.

from 6/12/2004

2004-06-16T10:46:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in my last post that there was a kernel of an idea that I wanted to explore regarding the upcoming election. Each of the parties has plans and programs to offer that appeal to me and each has plans and programs that don't appeal to me. Amid all the competing ideas and personalities how am I to come to a decision on how to spend my vote this coming June 28?

There is a perception among many, atleast as far as mainstream media would have one believe, that there is little value in casting a vote. Why bother voting if my decision is going to have little impact on the results? Sure, my guy may get in, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it will bring substantive change.

Contributing to the problem is the main, national parties' predisposition to play populist politics. Who can tell the difference between the Tory and Grit platforms? Even the muckraking and finger pointing follows a familiar theme throughout the opposing camps. It's a case of the devil you know versus the devil you don't know. I think, to some degree they're all devils.

But, regardless of who is and who isn't a devil, a vote has to be cast, even if it's a spoiled vote. One of the bi-products of the multi-party system in Canada is strategic voting. Perhaps this will be the year that electors take back their country by taking back their votes and spending them wisely.

I would like to make an informed choice this time around. Sure, it's just one vote among many, but there is a truth in the saying that every vote counts. At the very least it will allow me the right to complain about Ottawa until my next kick at the can.

Also, in regards to every vote counting, is the small matter of election financing. Each party earns approximately 7 dollars for each vote. If

I have neither the skills nor the will to tackle all the parties and their respective local candidates in one concise piece. I will try instead to look closely at each party's platform, leader and local candidate so that hopefully, before June 28, I will be able to articulate my feelings regarding all the parties. On Election Day I would like my trip to the ballot box to be swift and sure.

2004-06-10T15:34:00.000-07:00

I have discussed this before, the issue of being timely with my writing, and I still have a way to go before I will be happy with my progress. Focus. The other day I began to write and it went something like this:

Good morning. Mr. Robin and his stupid friends pulled me from my sleep at around 5:15 this morning and wouldn't let me get back to the business at hand.

For the past week it has been the same: Wake at five to the songs of Mr. Robin and friends, coming from the neighbor's yard; lie in bed for at least half an hour hoping not to disturb wife while dreaming of ways to make Mr. Robin get lost; throw in the odd random thought of how nice it would be to bum a smoke from Mr. Robin because I'd really like to have one and that in fact, under different circumstances, Mr. Robin's song would actually be pleasing to listen to; fall back into a fitful light sleep filled with bizarre dreams for another hour.

I skipped most of the process this morning and have instead been sitting in front of the computer since 5:30 plodding about the internet in search of election campaign issues, visiting candidate sites for news (of which there is little, which brings me back to the whole issue of the ineptness of candidates in their use of the internet as a valuable tool) and further getting absorbed into the great black hole of the world wide web. A slippery slope indeed.

What followed this was an attempt to deal with too many issues at once: namely, an idiots guide to some of the more basic problems I have with all the Parties vying for leadership of the country, from their platforms to the personalities of the candidates and party leaders. Having bitten off this huge thesis I attempted too quickly to chew it in to those little, smooth, manageable pieces that I mention at the top of the page in my site description/explanation. My subject matter was not suitable for the amount of space I intended to fill (a few paragraphs, not a tome), nor did it any longer match my original thesis (I actually started reading party platforms which cleared up a few misperceptions). So, I walked away from it to think and never really got beyond merely thinking about it.

Having said that, I did arrive at a solution to my problem. Beginning tomorrow, I will present the first part of a series looking at the parties, the issues and the personalities involved in the coming elections.

the patch - day 4

2004-06-03T09:39:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I slipped a little on day two and smoked half a cigarette, but I'm starting in to day four with more confidence than ever.

Yesterday, for the most part, was a breeze and I think that's why I’m feeling so confident today. I spotted a co-worker's cigarette pack on a desk in the back room yesterday afternoon and only thought once about having one. The second thought, where I would normally act on my compulsion, never seemed to materialize. I was able to walk away without really thinking about it. There were no major internal battles between angels and devils, my thoughts just didn't progress that far.

This isn't to say the rest of my trip to a smoke free life is going to be a breeze. Driving down most commercial streets there is often someone out in front of their shop catching a quick puff and I look longingly at them as I pass. I think about the sensation of the smoking being drawn down their throats and wish that I could pull over and join them. A cup of coffee or a beer would go nicely with that cigarette, wouldn't it?

But the smell that lingered in my nostrils after that half cigarette the other day was actually fairly nasty. It smelled as though I had cigarette butts stuffed up my nose, and that's not a pretty picture to imagine. I find myself thinking about that scent when I want to have a cigarette and the thought helps steer me away. My wife has noted that I taste fresher now when she kisses me. That alone is motivation.

No, I have no plans on becoming a sanctimonious ex-smoker. I couldn't live with myself. Aside from this page I will keep my thoughts to myself. Besides, I'm still only on day four. I have a long way to go.

started 'the patch'

2004-05-31T08:17:00.000-07:00

Today is my first day on the patch. I have tried in the past to quit smoking with only limited success. There have been periods over the past 20 years that I have managed to stop for a few months, but obviously none of these previous attempts have been permanent. I think it might actually work this time.

Already I am feeling the dread signs of psychological withdrawl as my anxiety level rises at the thought of not having another smoke. Funny that this little white stick effects me in such a way, but that's smoking for you.

I am a little tired of feeling the outcast for being a smoker. On the street I am always conscious of my smokingness and the degree of shame, or more accurately embarassment, that goes with it. My understanding is that I would feel far more comfortable as a smoker if I was living overseas, the europeans take smoking as a birth right, but I don't live overseas and don't plan on moving there just so that I'll fit in. Besides, I am really quite sick of the feeling that smoking leaves me with.

good luck.

title here

2004-05-30T19:37:00.000-07:00

I might try titles at a later date. I still haven't figured out the purpose of these ramblings. Although they aren't all ramblings. There is thought put in to some of these thoughts, and unfortunately the thought often gets in the way of clarity. I need to relax a bit. Yesterday's post was way too long and didn't really make the point the way that I wanted to.

Problem with thoughts. I like my first thoughts. Sure, there is always a raw nature to them, but there is an honesty to them that smooths some of that roughness. I look at the election campaign and all the ideas being thrown around by the different players. Some of the ideas are good, some are great and some are down right foolish. But for even the most dastardly of proposals there is often a small kernel of wisdom that can be salvaged. These kernels probably started out as an original thought and the thoughts that followed, the analysing and editting thoughts, steered them in the wrong direction or cluttered them with irrelevent details.

Addressing problem with thoughts. First thought, every thought. Get rid of the editting and the over-analysing and rely on the little kernel of wisdom to form the foundation. This is an over simplification of course, but the general idea is really this simple. Instead of starting a post and saving it as a draft, to be read and re-worked and re-read and, well you get the point, I need to begin to publish more frequently. The process can only improve with practice. Hopefully, in the end, clarity will also be improved.

We'll see.

2004-05-29T21:19:00.000-07:00

Election 2004.

That's the simple label on a folder I created to help me make some sort of decision on whom to vote for come June 28. There are two sub-folders, one for links to Constituency Candidates and one for links to National Parties. There are also links to pundits, columnists and other observers in the main folder.

Initially, I set out to see what ideas were being floated that I could identify with. I wanted to know which individuals in my constituency, as well as what National Party, I identified with, if any. Instead, what I found myself studying was the over all ineptness of most of the candidates and parties to present themselves well on the internet.

The world wide web is an information junkie's dream come true. Anything there is to know about a given subject (okay, I exaggerate, there's a lot missing from the web, and I'll also concede that not everything that a user reads on-line is necessarily accurate - caveat emptor) is available at a person's fingertips. It's just a matter of time until the OED adds google, (v.) to its pages. We all do it. Sitting at computers across this country are likely thousands of people, all taking the same steps as me in an effort to make an educated decision. What an opportunity to get a message out, people are looking.

But I don't see it happening. For the most part, the national party sites that I visited were well laid out and presented. It was easy to find information on most of the basic topics that a constituent might want to know. I would like to see sitting candidate’s parliamentary voting records, though. Although they have since added a candidate finder, I found the NDP's lack of such a tool surprising. Five days in to the campaign, 1/7th of its overall life span, and I am just now learning the name of the candidate for North Vancouver, my constituency.

Even at that I am going out on a limb in saying that his name is John Nelson, because the Page for that riding has only a generic greeting from the candidate. His photo is missing and his name appears only in an email link. Who knows, maybe I just fired off a message to his campaign manager.

John Nelson's page doesn't tell me anything about John Nelson. There is a message from the candidate saying how he and Jack Layton are going to work together to 'present' the people of North Vancouver. The exact same message can be found on many of the other NDP candidate's website. How will we be presented? Wearing knickers and a bow on our head?

The Liberals and the Conservatives each managed restraint in the use of their respective party colours on their websites, although the Conservative's index page could probably stand to be a little less blue. The NDP on the other hand has far too much of their party colours on display. That's a lot of orange and green, not to mention a lot of Jack Layton. And speaking of green, the Green Party of Canada, like the Liberals and Conservatives, also does a fine job of presenting itself online.

Each candidate and party should be looking at the web as a remarkably inexpensive way of getting a message out. There is no material cost, as there is with flyers, and candidates don't have to rely as heavily on volunteers going door-to-door to disseminate campaign information.

I would think that a well-organized political party would have enough foresight to see the value in assisting their candidates communicate online. It's important to get the message out and the message has to be the same coming from everybody's mouth. All of the national party websites I visited had a brief bio supplied by each candidate. But there seemed to be little room for personalization. "Here's my message and a picture. See you in a few weeks."

Some candidates did have links to their own personal websites, but because there seems to be no coordination within the party for this aspect of communicating the message, these personal websites range in quality from clean to comical. This one step, out side of the official Liberal web domain, is a perilous step though.

Many of the individual candidate websites could use a little fine-tuning. In the case of some sites, though, an overhaul seems the only solution. Don Bell's is particularly dodgy looking. At the very least, get the red right; it looks like he is selling tomatoes. Mind you, every liberal site uses a different shade of red.

And e-mail. I sent an e-mail to Ted White, my local MP. It went like this:

Hello,

Is there a website that I can visit to find out more about Ted White?

Thank you in advance.

Cheers,

John MacDermid
North Vancouver

I was looking for his personal website. I knew that he had one, I just couldn't remember the address. I could have easily googled him, but I wanted to find him using Conservative party links. There aren't any, at least not beyond his candidate page and even then only a ground and e-mail address is given. It's an aol address at that.

Thank you Mr. White for your enlightening reply:

May 27/04

Good Morning John

The address for my website is on every election sign in the riding, but if you have specific questions about me go ahead and ask them.

Regards
Ted White

I'll just shut things down here and go for a walk through my neighborhood looking for one of your signs. If I'm lucky I'll also come across an NDP election sign and confirm that indeed it is John Nelson campaigning in my constituency.

2004-05-28T10:29:00.000-07:00

just to bridge the time gap.

2004-05-07T20:11:00.000-07:00

This should be an eye-opener for anyone who thinks the Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal is going to quickly blow over. Atleast in Iraq. Riverbend is drifting.

In Setting the Record Straight Riverbend summarizes her feelings on the American presence during the early stages of the American occupation of Iraq. However, she seems to have returned to this theme and has revised her thinking some what in Just Go...

Something to think about.

2004-05-06T01:56:00.000-07:00

Ahhh les spams
Came across a french blog today. The most current post began "Ahhh, les spams" and near as I could tell, with my broken french, it was extoling the virtues of a recently discovered spam filter. Spam is like the new Esperanto. Universal messages delivered across time zones and cultures, written for the internet in pidgin english. Whatever language you read, spam is spam is spam. "gitt yyurrr beeeg donnng herrre"

2004-05-06T01:53:00.000-07:00

Some quick notes.

Two points regarding the following excerpt from Bush's interview on al arabiya:

QUESTION: Mr. President, critics are saying that by your action in Iraq actually invited al Qaeda and other terrorists to do business with you over there. Could you address that?

BUSH: Sure. Do you remember September the 11th, 2001? Al Qaeda attacked the United States. They killed thousands of our citizens. I will never forget what they have done to us. They declared war on us. And the United States will pursue them. And so long as I'm the president, we will be determined, steadfast, and strong as we pursue those people who kill innocent lives because they hate freedom.

And, of course, al Qaeda looks for any excuse. But the truth of the matter is, they hate us, and they hate freedom, and they hate people who embrace freedom. And they're willing to kill innocent Iraqis because Iraqis are willing to be free. Iraqis are sick of foreign people coming in their country and trying to destabilize their country. And we will help them rid Iraq of these killers.

1. September 11. That's been the fall back line since September 12 (or maybe it was 13 when he came out of hiding) When there isn't a suitable answer, when the truth won't do because it's uncomfortable, unpallatable or downright politically untenable, fall back on 9/11. And people wonder why 9/11 and Iraq are intrinsically linked to each other in the minds of Americans. By all appearances, the coalition invasion and occupation of Iraq has exacerbated global terrorism.

2. Iraqis are sick of foreign people coming in their country and trying to destabilize their country. I don't think Bush knows what irony is.

2004-05-02T22:19:00.000-07:00

All the time
Mind travels far.
Conversations
With my same self.
Tumbling the world,
All that I perceive,
Into smooth
Manageable pieces.
Press them on to paper
And sell em in a book,
Little bits of me.

I opened an old book of poetry the other day. Poetry composed and compiled by me that I hadn't read in a long time. The 'little bits of me' book. There were words written that I had forgotten about. Other passages felt familiar yet enough time had passed that even these read as new. They hardly seemed my words and I enjoyed reading them.

The poems in 'little bits of me' are a reflection of a period in my life when I was looking at the world through eyes set on a spirit quest. To be certain, I was aware of the larger world around me and I wrote about it in my journal. These were the matters of the state and of society as a whole. But my primary filter then was my soul and it dominates the musings in my poetry.

Alternatively, a half dozen or so poems that also hardly seem to be my words are sketched out in the back pages of my journal, the most recent entry composed over five months ago. Unlike many of the poems found in 'little bits of me', these latest writings don't take me to the moment of their composition. The words are empty and contrived like I was forcing myself to write them, which I probably was. It seems my spirit quest has been put on hold.

There used to be balance in my writing. A little bit of poetry, a little bit of prose. I would focus on one for a period and then shift to the other. The two genres alternated often enough that I didn't have to relearn any skills. I wrote prose with my head and poetry with my heart. Somewhere, I stopped paying attention to my heart.

Some times I would try to address political issues in my poetry, but it rarely translated. The ideas when presented as verse always seemed awkward. These thoughts are better left for prose. However, my spirit writing prose was an easier crossover, though even then it was an intellectual exercise, not an artistic one.

My thoughts now have less to do with my soul than they have to do with a world I cannot control. I think I'm in the process of learning how it all fits together - what an expectation. Years of writing essays and examining the world have guided me away from simple creative output. Now I have forgotten how to write poetry. It's a skill I must relearn.

The heart and the mind are connected and I would like to think that their connection is through the soul. Without these two working together in exploring the world my understanding of it is incomplete. The words may ring true, but their message carries less weight. It is the soul that drives conviction and my words require a balance of heart and mind if they are to be without misunderstanding. It is time I brought that balance back.

2004-04-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

More on Get Fuzzy and Doonesbury.

Two takes on the same scenario: GI loses leg. In Get Fuzzy, Willie is brought in as a tragic figure, but it's hard to relate to him. I don't remember him from the strip so he seems to have been introduced just to make a point. Really, he's just another GI back from Iraq, albeit missing a limb. The whole scenario is awkward.

BD, on the other hand, is a familiar face and you don't expect a regular comic character to lose a limb or have some other tragedy befall him. Imagine jughead dead of AIDS. The Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday strips were humourless glimpses of the aftermath of whatever hit BD. The doctors glib remark in Thursdays strip, the first cynical barb of the week, came as a welcome reminder that life goes on.

It is still too early to say, but I would imagine these two strips will be making pretty much the same point: Support the troops, don't support the war. A small part of me wonders if there is collusion between the two authors. That the authors of both of these strips set out to communicate the same message at the same time is extraordinary. In the absence of any proof of collusion, these two strips speak volumes about the American public's growing discontent with the war in Iraq and makes it clear that this discontent is wide ranging, present in all manners of public discourse including comics.

In a sense, each strip represents part of the dichotomy of tragedy. It is wishful thinking that bad things only happen to other people (Willie) and the sad truth that bad things can happen to anyone (BD).

I guess they aren't the funny pages anymore

The New York Times has this to say.

2004-04-22T00:44:00.000-07:00

Two comics I regularly check out, Get Fuzzy and doonesbury, are each dealing with a character who has lost a leg in Iraq.

The Iraq war will likely be remembered as the maiming war. There are a lot of soldiers back from Iraq that are missing limbs. They don't get talked about the way that dead soldiers do. The numbers are tallied only in passing and so far no number has stood out as a benchmark. Is there a tipping point for the maimed? The dead get measured against conflicts past and present, the latter already waged long enough to have established benchmarks of its own. At some point public opinion will tip the other way. Who will measure the maimed?

2004-04-20T19:00:00.000-07:00

thoughts on thoughts on thoughts